Have you ever been so down

You cant recover? I feel like I am drowning... drowning in bills, obligations, payment plans...
We are renting now, our house has been foreclosed. (no judgment please) Not something to be proud of, something that was necessary. Bad choices we will not make again. Now we face the choice of moving again. we need to save money somewhere and a smaller house may have to suffice.

How much more can we cut out? We are getting rid of cell phones and going to pay per minute phones (my husband commutes, its necessary I think) Once our contract is up for cable TV, that will be gone. I refuse to give up internet... I think I would die if I couldn't vent to my online friends. We eat out once a week... we probably should cut this out, I am sure we will be. I feel hopeless sometimes. Like we can never recover.

I feel guilty that my boys cannot do fun things, we cannot sign up for T ball, Music class... I feel like they are being short changed because of my mistakes. Yes, I love them...but they deserve so much more.

I think I need to remember the things I am thankful for, right now I am having a hard time doing that.

Tomorrow. Back to our regularly scheduled program.

Is the love of money the root of all evil?

I liked the title... but I want to know, why are we and the world so obsessed and envious of money? Why do we revere money? Why do we talk about people with money in that special tone? You know, kinda hushed, a bit wryly and a tad envious. I work for a financial planner... he deals with money all the time. He deals with the people who have money... the snobs, the arrogant, the lucky ones who inherited. Mixed in these clients are some truly nice and kind people. But more often than not I see they all have one (well two counting loads of money) thing in common, and that is this attitude that they are better than you (or I, or my boss or the cool UPS guy) ( I think I must see more snobs than the average person because of where I work, I know there are many kind well off people out there)

They are not better. They live and breathe the same as we do. But I think the way we as a people treat people with money gives them almost a right to behave the way they do. We worship money and the people who have it...never thinking if it were all it were cracked up to be than maybe these people would be happier and kinder and do good things with what they were blessed with.

I would love to have the things that money could buy me...stability, a lovely home, security...but not at the expense of my soul. How could I be truly happy loving money and things more than I love myself and the people I live with? How could I be happy being so empty inside that I had to fill myself up with more clothes, jewels, cars?

I know that will never be the life for me, I will never live a life like that. Firstly, I will never be rich, I do not have the drive to make money... I enjoy having free time, being lazy, playing with my kids on a lazy afternoon... I love that too much to be a work a holic. I applaud all the people who have made their way in this world, made a difference and not let money make them into unsympathetic, unkind people, who care little for others or for the world they live in.

I want my children to be rich...rich in friends,rich in family, rich in animal companionship, rich in good foods, and rich in love. If they are rich in these, the most important things in life, then money cannot corrupt or control them.

Keeping up with the Jones... Why do we do it?

Well, let me put this out there, I do not do it, I cannot afford to do it, and Ive learned its fruitless to attempt to. First of all, having enough money for your needs makes for an easier life. Having food, shelter, clothing and not worrying is a great thing! But having or trying to keep up with others is exhausting, unnecessary and not worth the time, effort and debt.

Why do we feel the need to have "stuff" and why do we want the same stuff that everyone else has? Once I got out of my early years I never understood it. Does having the same giant car, the same cookie cutter house, the same designer clothes, the same rail thin emaciated body as your neighbor make you just as happy? Just as rich? Just as content as they are? Because I bet that they are just as miserable as the rest of us, poor and rich alike.

Things do not make us happy, if they did there would be less celebrities OD'ing, drinking, drugging and doing other bad things. What makes you happy isn't even having a great husband, adorable kids and a job you don't mind going to (although it sure doesn't hurt!) its what is inside all of us. Once you accept life and what it has to offer you, and teach you, and test you with... you can never be truly happy. At least that's what I have learned in my life. Accepting what you have, appreciating it and striving to be a better person, a better mom/sister/friend/ is what life is all about.

Learning about ourselves and others... Art, books, food, sunsets, children laughing, watching our pets scamper about, laughing with a friend, keeping a secret, traveling to a different place and trying to understand its people, making mistakes and not repeating but learning from them, loving our spouse, not giving ourselves up for them, being a family and forgiving others... there are so many more things that make a rich, successful and fulfilling life. These are just the ones that are important to me.

Money is simply a means to an end. If you live your life keeping up with others and trying to emulate "rich folks" then you will end up with a fat bank account perhaps, but an empty and bereft soul.