Breastfeeding moms are best!

Well, that's what Robin Scorpio on my fave Soap (General Hospital) seems to think... I seem to think that General Hospital is getting on my nerves lately.

This breastfeeding debate has always bugged me because it shouldn't even be something that is debated, in my opinion. The story: Robin due to her HIV status does not breast feed her new baby. Makes perfect sense. What doesn't make sense (and never has to me) is that she feels like she has failed her daughter, like she inst a good mother because she cannot breastfeed. This point of view has always annoyed and saddened me. Society and some moms have forced their ideas of "The Perfect Mother" on the rest of us. We all have to be the ultimate "Earth Mother" who breastfeeds on demand, who cares nothing for her own health and happiness and well being. Sleep??? Who needs it. Happiness??? Overrated.

I am not advocating letting your babies needs not be met, nor be important... what I am saying is that you can be an excellent mother, a caring mother...and not breastfeed. I chose not to breastfeed for a few reasons. One reason was I simply had no desire to, another was the fact that being a new mom is hard enough without having a way to have your hubby help. I bottle fed as well so my husband could share in the feeding duties. So, I guess you could say I chose my own health, happiness and well being first with that decision. A tired, unhappy and pressured mommy does not equal a better mommy. Personally I think that a well adjusted baby has nothing to do with what you feed them, but with how you feed them. Both my husband and I had a chance to bond and enjoy watching our little ones while they ate... it was a lovely experience.

Personally, I wish shows like General Hospital would stop making women feel like they are failures...to hear a character say those words, might make another woman doubt her own judgment and decisions. Might make her feel like she is a bad mom when in fact she is not. I hate the fact that this society we live in tries to force upon us that we all need to think alike, be "cookie cutter" That is not me. I hope it is not you...and I hope it isn't our daughters and sons that we are raising into adults.
For I want my children to be strong, caring and confident in the choices they make, while at the same time willing to see mistakes and correct them. I want my children to be interesting, interested and unique, just as I am. I am confident I will get my wish.

Breast Feeding and Formula Feeding... Why so heated?

Well, answer me why? I wish I knew. I am an advocate for Formula Feeding...so of course I am going to blog about my experiences from this POV. I never wanted to BF (this will stand for Breastfeeding and FF for Formula feeding) tried 2 times with my first born (due to pressure) and decided to FF. I KNEW this was right for me, I didn't get to the ripe old age of 36 not knowing what I wanted to do, or what would work for myself and my hubby. I am a decisive person, usually not easily influenced by anyone... but the pressure is so heavy towards BF, that I caved. I felt hounded, resentful and I felt like I was being judged... because I was. I got looks, I got comments when I bought formula... the lack of manners and kindness was appalling. I was a new mother, struggling with PPD (and didn't realize it) no sleep, and the uncertainty of having a new baby was overwhelming, even though I have the most helpful and accommodating husband around. I felt bad enough without other mothers putting me and my choices down.

Lets face it, there are SOME BF mothers that give off and have this attitude that they are better mothers for having BF. (I am aware of a BF forum that has bashed FF moms and said "No matter what those FF moms say, they are not bonded to their babies like WE are" Um... excuse my language but that's Bull Shit. How would they know how other moms bond? How can they be inside the heart and soul of FF mothers (or any other mothers for that matter) and "know" this is true. Its sad, and immature. I love my children with an intensity and love that I never dreamed of feeling... how could anyone feel "more" love. Its simply ridiculous. And yes, Ive heard all the benefits of BF (although the immunity thing, and baby being less sick I never understood... my babies were rarely ill, and all the while I saw many BF women's babies get illness after illness... I came to the conclusion that we are just pre-disposed to getting sick more than others), and I made an educated desision about it, and I did what was right for myself, my family and my baby.

I also find it sad that women who cannot BF, or had a hard time with BF, feel the need to explain their choices, to explain why they couldn't or didn't BF, its like you have to have a good excuse or the extreme advocates will tell you why you should have tried harder and why you made the wrong choice and why you needed to work it through... as mothers lets STOP defending every choice we make... as long as we don't hurt our babies (and no matter how many studies that are made none have shown a baby will perish or be an imbecile because of FF) Lets just be happy and be strong in our convictions and stop wanting or needing the approval of others to do what we feel is right for us.

Of course many BF and FF mothers do not bash the other side, but the ones that do are contributing to making the gap between the two sides so much wider. Out the window the compassion, the understanding, the kindness go...to be replaced with superiority, smirks, and judgement.

I know many, many BF advocates... they are kind, decent women. This post is about the ones who are not. And maybe, just maybe some of the other BF women will realize how WE are judged, how we are treated unkindly and maybe, just maybe mothers, all mother BF, FF or whatever... will start worrying about their own choices and stop worrying about someone elses and the choices they made for themselves and their family.

This is not meant to bash, this is meant to show how we FF are treated... you hear so much about BF mothers, how they are treated, how they are discriminated against, and I think its wrong... but here is another side of the story, and here is what many mothers may feel, but are too afraid to say. Because FF moms have the same issues, we face discrimination, censure and unkindness as well. Just because we don't talk about it, doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I wish it would stop from both sides... how can we as a nation, a world get along if we continually refuse to see or tolerate anothers POV or choices?