I think Ive been a naughty girl. I need to confess my sins.

OK, so as a few of you who have read my blog, I think I am a mature, kind, unbiased (to some extent) dare I say an even tempered and humor finding person? Well, yes... I did dare to say it, didn't I? So, I have been aware of my tendency to live in the past, to carry on hurts, to have a hard time forgiving and forgetting. I think I transfer my anger and disappointment in people into sarcastic comments and ambiguous blog posts and comments. Its not well done of me, but it is me. Its hard to change a life long character trait...or flaw. Depending on who you ask.

I am aware that every post I make, or comment I make is probably suspect, or suspected to be something more... sometimes it is, sometimes not. Or maybe I am just fooling myself that this person ever really cared for me at all, or still does think of me. I just wish that I could pretend to not care, not feel hurt and not still feel the indignation and anger that flares up in me when I least expect it. Thank goodness it gets better every day.

I have to say this: You were wrong, you made mistakes and you HURT good, kind people. You hurt me, and I was loyal for a long time, way too long. And yes, "You" know who you are. I was not blameless... but I have admitted my part in things, admitted my faults... too bad self-knowledge and the want and need for it, isn't something you can gift to another. Because I would give you this gift. You would find yourself to be a flawed person... but I think by cutting out the things that are bad in ourselves, we graft in the good. I know it has worked this way for me.

So, I know this post once again will make no sense to a few people...but its something I needed to say. Because I cannot say it to the person I would like to... that person would not listen. It makes me sad actually. Sad that in order to be right, that person has thrown away good friends. I also know that no matter what I say, this post will just be excused and disregarded as jealousy, spite, unkindness... Just think of it as one last loyal deed I have done for you. I am still loyal enough to want for you what I think you could have, could have had. Not kiss-ups, not yes men but Real Friendship. Real friends who tell you what you want to hear, and what you don't. That is real friendship and a gift worth risking everything for.

Leaving the hive and the Queen Bee to fend for herself

Forgive me my few loyal readers for this very public post that you might not have any idea of what I am talking about. I wish to clear the air, have my thoughts out here for the bloggy world to see. I have changed the names of the innocent and guilty! I refuse to have my words taken out of context so here is my explanation for my actions. Perhaps this is wrong of me to do, but as my friendship was tossed out many months ago like an old broken down toy that is not of use anymore... why keep it in? My first loyalty now must go to myself and my friends who have given me the courtesy to listen to me and believe in me and my quite possibly flawed but always good intentions.



Hey Girls!

This is not a goodbye letter/post, this is just my way of telling you why I may not be on the forum anymore. This is not a bash letter either. I don't do that, I am not that type of person. I am leaving and its been a long time coming, the only thing that has kept me there was all of you. I care for all of you. But, I cannot stay and keep my sanity and my self respect because I am unhappy.

Yes, my main issue is with the Queen Bee. I have seen a difference in the Queen Bee and the way she deals with people who do not agree with her and I cannot stand by and just keep my mouth shut, so for me, it is better to leave instead of saying things that will not be considered or pondered. They will be misconstrued as jealousy, or anger or spite and that is not it at all. I would love to stay on in some capacity, but I feel that I cannot. I plan on reconnecting with people that I have been "forbidden" to have anything other than minimal contact with, and I am afraid although my intentions are well meant, it will not be acceptable. I am not leaving because you are unimportant to me, because you are...its just I have to do what I feel is right for me right now. There is a bit more to the situation, but as I said, I do not wish this to be a bash letter.


As I said, the thing that kept me there is all of you and the friendships I have. But I now realize I just cannot let what I feel affect me in this way, or affect the forum in this way. It isn't fair to me or you. Remember though, I am always an e-mail away...please do not hesitate to let me know how you are. No matter what you hear this is my real reason, and I think after all the years you have all known me, you KNOW me... I tell the truth, I tell it like I feel, I do not lie or spread rumors or try to hurt people. That's something I want you to remember if you hear anything that doesn't sound right to you. The trip girls who met me know this is the real me.

I just wanted to let you all know without all the smoke screens, rumors, or spinning that might go along with my departure. I hope I am wrong, or so unimportant now that this will not happen. Maybe no-one will notice I am gone! I hope you can understand where I am coming from and believe me (as you always have before) that what I say here is what is the truth. I was truthful enough to admit fault when I left the board and came back once before. I am not afraid of the truth. I am an honest, if flawed person. Please take care and remember I am always here if you need anything.


Mimi

Friendships lost and found.

I admit I am into my mommy forum. But as is bound to happen in large groups of women... DRAMA. The Internet is such a huge place, we hide behind screen names and cutesy avatars and pretend to be "Minxy Mimi" or "Peaches and Cream" or whomever we feel like being for the day. I always strive to be who I am, but sometimes my personality and posts are not taken as they are written.

Drama happens, and in most cases, its never one persons fault, its rarely clear cut, crystal clear or beyond the shadow of a doubt... life would be much simpler if it were. Personalities, priorities, and just plain old differences of thought, opinion and how we respond to things make us drift apart where we once were getting closer.

What we are left with is nagging doubts, a feeling of being left behind, a feeling of sadness knowing that friends we have shared so much with are now in some '"Never Never Land"... part of another board, making new friends (maybe cooler ones) and growing away from us.

In my heart of hearts I know that people who have moved on have made mistakes such as I have, have been right and have been wrong and are maybe feeling the same way I do. Although I hesitate to wish ill on anyone else, I wish for all of the friends that have moved on to know this feeling, to know that friends are worth fighting for and fighting with, as long as we do it together.

((Hugs)) to all that have been left behind and all that have moved on. All of you changed my life, even if its in the most minute way. I thank you all.