Thursday, July 17, 2008

Why are so many people self-delusional?

Why do we refuse to face our problems head on? Why do we cover up our own bad behaviour or our spouses? I don't get it. With age comes wisdom, so at my advanced age (LOL) Ive learned that not dealing with or avoiding issues makes them worse, they do not go away... Why do we lie to ourselves and others that things are so wonderful when believe me, no one is fooled, not even ourselves.

I learned this some time ago when I had a loser B/F who took advantage of me and I let him. I deluded myself and told myself he really, truly loved me... not because I enabled his lack of responsibility, and I let him get away with things I would never allow now.

Women especially seem to delude themselves the most. Some women think that if they just pretend their husbands are wonderful, respectful, caring men who will help with the kids and stop being lazy, video gaming slobs (This is the most common complaint I hear on my forum and in real life)... then POOF! They become so. No-one is really fooled.

I wish I could give all women the benefit of my (dubious!) wisdom. I wish I could make women see that they need to fix themselves first and foremost. Nobody can fix another. Women need to see that they are lovely, desirable and worthy ... women who DESERVE a man who treats them as an equal partner in the marriage/relationship. A man who helps them, who realizes children are a wonderful, if annoying gift that they need to be equally involved with. A man who realizes staying at home or working, that his woman is doing a job that she deserves praise for.

This seems to be something I think about a lot. I see so many women who let themselves be treated with disrespect or apathy and it makes me sad. I do not have a prefect marriage, I never claimed to. What I do have is a wonderful man who helps me with anything I need help with, he stands by me, he supports me and he is a better father sometimes than I am a mother. We are not perfect people, but we have a perfect love for each other. I want this for everyone.

Ive stopped pretending that I am not fat, I am not a Nervous Nellie, I am not a bossy person, I am not a sometimes harsh person. I try to deal with my flaws and grow and not make my families pay for my denial. Some days I am more succesful than others, I am not perfect. Self discovery is a scary yet powerful and awesome gift we can all give to ourselves. Its worth the sometimes unpleasant truths about ourselves we have to face, this is what gives us wisdom and empathy and makes us strong, confidant, and caring people who raise strong, confident and caring children. This is the gift we give to the world.

7 comments:

Jessica said...

u've been tagged.. http://ruggratsx2.blogspot.com/2008/07/unspectacular-quirks.html

Haasiegirl said...

i agree with you mimi

Toni said...

Mimi I love you! I agree!

Life of an Internet Mom said...

Interesting writing. I think it's easy to judeg a marriage or a partnership when you're not in it. No one truly knows how a marriage is, how it works and runs except the two people in it.

Celeste said...

Mimi you have such a gift for saying what probably so many people are thinking. Keep it up.

PrimaCraftyMomma said...

I totally agree with you Mimi, although it doesn't make me sad to hear, I just shake my head. I cannot feel bad for someone that does not respect themselves enough to demand respect from their spouse as well. It can be hard to get respect and support 100% of the time, let's face it, we won't always agree and get along perfectly. But consistent disrespect and disregard is unacceptable to me and should be to all women who respect themselves.

My3sons said...

well said mimi. I have had this type of talk with my husband in the past. We both could use some improving, but we recognize it and are bettering ourselves. I wish everyone could see live as we do.