Tuesday, September 23, 2008

A mother's worst nightmare

Jack just scared me to death.

I sometimes let my boys play outside in our fenced backyard while I get dressed for work ... I crack the window and check on them every few minutes. We have a fenced backyard that is child proof and locked up tight! All of a sudden I hear Max crying at the door, I let him in and call for Jack... no answer, I scream, I yell, I say I am not mad... no answer. OMG, I about died. I was thinking someone climbed over the 8foot tall fence and took him or he fell and his head was bashed in and he couldn't answer.

The scenarios of what may have happened were running through my head as I frantically searched the small back yard, screaming and crying and trying to breathe through my complete and utter panic. The worst things a mom can think of ran through my head in a manner of seconds.

I was freaking out and crying... ready to call the police...then I come in and call again for him... he was on the couch!!! He decided to come in and not tell me. OMG. Of course I yell at him for scaring me and he cries while I cry and work through my anger and fear. Anger at myself for letting them play outside for even a minute alone, (even though there really is no risk, but we still doubt ourselves and everything we do at times like these) fear of losing one of the most important people in my life. Thank goodness Jack was just fine.

So, if I ever doubted my maternal feelings, or doubted I was a good and caring mother...this proved to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that although my actions may be flawed, I may make mistakes and say and do the wrong thing... I know this: I love my kids more than I love my own life. I would have died to keep my son safe. I will never doubt that again.

9 comments:

JLT6907 said...

omg! that's scary. this happened to me back in May. But i actually hadda call the police! It's very traumatic to think that something may have happened to your child while your back was turned for only a minute! *hugs*

Darcie said...

We had that happen this past spring. We were staying at my in-laws for a few months until we could move into our own place again and on moving day, my stepMIL was supposed to be watching the kids. That means two of 'em. She decided to only watch the baby. Beth took off, no one noticed she was missing until she was GONE. A neighbor saw her walking up at the end of the street and turning the corner.

Luckily, she stayed on the sidewalk (all that brow-beating on my part about staying on the sidewalk WORKED) and she was playing in someone's driveway. Never have I panicked more than I did that morning.

I know how you feel. *Hug*

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

My kids have vanished once or twice while in the yard. Both times it turned out they had come inside and not said anything to me. Freaks me the heck out. Then there was the time DS2 wandered to the end of our veery long driveway and my father & I were too busy talking, each thinking the other was watching him, to notice DS2 had done it, until he was walked back to us by a couple of people who were driving by & saw him.
Even though that was over 2 years ago I still feel every bit of the horror & guilt I felt right then.

Simply AnonyMom said...

That has happened to me before and it always makes my heart feel like it is pumping out my chest and it takes a LONG time to feel better afterwards.

I am very glad he is safe.

Karyn with a Y said...

I'm glad he's ok! I'll never forget when Anniston did something similar. My whole body went numb. Your mind takes over and you can't think straight.

And you should never doubt your ability as a mother! You are wonderful.

The Healthy Mom said...

That's ok. Your reaction was perfectly normal. I probably would have done the same thing. You are a great mother!

Toni said...

Bless your heart!!! Glad he was fine!

Angie Atkinson said...

This is very scary. I have had different experiences, but with the same feelings involved, that brought me to the same realization. Looking at the positive side of this, it's wonderful that you were able to recognize those emotions that you probably knew were always there on some level, but after something that traumatic to your heart, you know without a single doubt. Thanks for sharing this story to remind all of us to be grateful for our own kids and families!

lonestar818 said...

How scary! I'm so glad you found him safe and sound.