Thursday, March 5, 2009

Friendships shouldnt be so hard

What is it about some friendships? Why do some connections seem so tenuous and fragile? Why do some sneak up on you and amaze you with their elasticity, their compatibility, their endurance? But why is it that sometimes the effort you make, the allowances, the thought you put into it is for naught?

There has been a little shake-up in my online world... friendships that have come and gone, not for lack of trying. Sometimes I feel like I try too much, and in turn expect far too much. To be connected to people for years and then they drop you, they choose someone over you and they choose not to listen to you when you try to help. Because even the most hurtful person has some good inside of them and although it may be naive to hope (and we know its naive) that they will listen and choose to work on themselves and your friendship... a part of you still gets disappointed when they do not. And I am sorry to say, the immature person inside of me hopes they regret it, hopes they regret the loss. Hopes they realize what a good friend they let slip away.

But then there are the ones who stick around... the ones who put up with you. The ones who care, who tell you when you screw up, who tell you when you are wrong and they expect you to listen and you do. Because you know they love you, care for you and honor your friendship the same as you do for them. And those are the ones who matter most... those are the ones who make the others fade away, make the hurt bearable, make your life worth living. Because true and loyal friends accept you for who you are all the while trying to make you a better you. Those are the ones with whom you shares life's joys and sorrows and you wish you could take on those hardships and you know they would do the same for you.

But still...you wish the ones who you lost could experience it, you wish that for them...even though you could not be the one to share it with them. Perhaps that's what being a true friend is as well... to wish the best for someone even though they could not or will not reciprocate.

I leave you with a few friendship quotes:

“True friendship isn't about being there when it's convenient; it's about being there when it's not.”

"True friendship consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and value."

“Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”

21 comments:

•´.¸¸.•¨¯`♥.Erin.♥´¯¨•.¸¸.´• said...

Your first quote resonates with me...I was friends with a coworker for about 8 years. 8 years worth of consoling her, seeing her through her dramatic times, helping her move, laughing with her, etc.
My husband nailed it on the head one day and said that I was a far better friend to her than she ever was to me. She fell out of my life two years ago - and while it pains me because I remember how much fun we did have together, I also realize that I'm better off without such a toxic friendship.
It is amazing what friendships endure - be thankful for those...

HeatherL said...

(((hugs))) Mimi!! I'm still here! ROFL In all seriousness, I'm sorry that people come and go out of our lives. It's not as perplexing when a good friend moves away as it is when....ugh. I keep thinking of things I want to say and can't. I'll PM you. dang it. And, (((hugs))) again cause you needed it!

Agata said...

Very well said, Mimi! :) And I can promise you that I will always be your friend. I can't imagine NOT having you in my life.

Kelly said...

Well said!

I love you and I'm honored to be your friend!

Moo said...

Mimi girl I agree ith everything you said!!! You know you are stuck with me for the long term.. so deal with it.. and me.. and vicodin.. and brownies.. and all talk of old men's saggy parts LOL

Kristina P. said...

I think that online friendships can be very tricky. There have been women I met that I thought we were good "friends" from the blogging world, and then they drop off the face of the earth, and only comment or email people who they really consider their online friends. I just move on.

Wendi said...

MOO!!! ya kill me!!! and yes you are stuck with me too!!! whether you like it or not miss mimi muahahahahaha.....

Kathy B! said...

I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I think that can be the downside of the internet. Makes it easy to cut and run...

Chin up sister! Any time someone walks away from a good friendship it is always their loss and, in time, I think most people realize their mistakes.

Denise said...

Okay - the first quote??? Made me LITERALLY teary eyed. It REALLY hit home.

You know I have had my ups and downs too with this very same thing. I TOTALLY feel you on everything you wrote. I feel the EXACT same.

I wish I knew the right words to say to make you feel better - but if I knew them - i'd apply them to myself too! :(

BIG HUGS mama!

Toni said...

Well you are stuck with me of course :). Who else would call you at 6 (your time ) every evening. and we must tell moo to keep the saggy part talk to a minimum

Shelley K. said...

I, too, have recently had to let go of a friendship that I have had for almost 15 years. It got to the point though that everytime I was with this person she was always negative and several times she made me cry. (I told my husband--real friends should never make you cry--unless they are tears of JOY!!) So, it has been hard because, of course, I miss her and I still love and care about her!! But, I have realized that our friendship was very one sided--I was doing all of the work...

Sigh...

Oh well...sending you lots of gentle hugs,

Jennifer said...

(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

Well written. I agree with all the quotes, especially, “True friendship isn't about being there when it's convenient; it's about being there when it's not.”

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting said...

I completely understand. *huge hugs* I wish I knew, I really do.

~Chel~ said...

I understand! It's rough...I think we are alot alike, Mimi...I feel like sometimes I just try to hard...I don't know...Alot of people tell me I'm too nice..So who really knows...{{{Big Hugs}}} It does suck...And hopefully you're stuck w/ me too..>LOL...That's if...you'll take me...Haa haa..that was a lil gay huh?!?!?!

LadyStyx said...

Very very well written.

*HUGZ*

Minxy Mimi said...

Thanks guys, I am so lucky to have you all!

Helene said...

You have such a beautiful way of expressing yourself. This post was very eloquently written. I wonder the very same things as you do.

Debbie said...

I'm sorry you have experienced that. I do cherish my online friends and would be very sad to lose them.

Katie Lyons said...

Beautiful post and so true, too. I have been dumped by a lot of friends in my life and it sucks and you don't understand why. My best friends now are my husband, son, mom, sister, brother, grandma, mother-in-law,basically my family, we are all super close and I can't imagine life without them :)

sheila said...

I think we have different friends for different reasons. Some for stability, some for decision making, some for strength, some to show us how 'not' to do something...etc etc.

btw, LOVE your ww pic!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

(((((HUGZ MIMI!!)))) I can totally relate, been there...with IRL friends in particular... Sorry to hear about your online world shake up - like others have mentioned, you're stuck with me, too! :)