5 things I hate about you

Well, five things I hate about me.

1. I can be judgmental. I am working on this, I notice as my self esteem has gotten better, my need to judge has gotten better. But sometimes without thinking, I still do it. This is the dumbest one though. I judge people just like me and I feel ashamed of myself. Because I am also poor, fat and a slacker mom at times. I am really trying to stop being so judgmental and realize it comes out in me when I am feeling low, when I am feeling worthless. Because I do not like being judged for those reasons and I know I am and I know how it hurts.

2. I hate that I yell at my kids. Not the usual "Italian Momma" yell. That is completely different. That yell is like a culture thing! LOL No, I am talking about mean yelling. I have told my husband to stop me when he sees it. I have been improving due to this. I need to learn that just because they are doing bad things, they do not deserve to be treated without respect and kindness. I have a hot temper and this is a hard one for me... but if I want my boys to grow up with the best I can offer them, I have to learn to stop this behavior.

3. I know I come off as harsh at times... but I wish I were not so emotional about things. I hate seeing animals hurt (sometimes I see cats hit by cars) and letting that affect my whole day, my moods. I hate that I cry and wish I could do something and I let it make me doubt everything.

4. I hate that I am poor. LOL Who wouldn't? I hate that I want to be like other people and go buy my kids $40.00 pairs of shoes and $60.00 outfits from the boutique. I do like the fact that I am unimpressed by wealth and wealthy people... I just hate that I want to be rich... just so I can buy fun things and collect art work and take trips. I wish I could be completely happy with what I have. Because I do realize I have a lot to be thankful for. I have things others wish for. I have an awesome hubby who loves me, helps me, is supportive of me and always does his fair share (if not more) I have awesome friends, a great job and a wonderful (if slightly dysfunctional) family. Why cant I be happy with that?

5. I hate that I am kinda wimpy. I can tell it like it is here, online... but sometimes I have a hard time "in real life" my knees shake, my heart races, I sweat. If I don't speak up, then I regret not doing so and get angry with myself. If I do then I worry about if I said it right, if I made my points. I second guess myself. Sometimes I wish I was a little more assertive. Sometimes I am... but there are times I let things slide and I shouldn't.

So that's my list... Do you have anything to add???