Friday, October 10, 2008

5 things I hate about you

Well, five things I hate about me.

1. I can be judgmental. I am working on this, I notice as my self esteem has gotten better, my need to judge has gotten better. But sometimes without thinking, I still do it. This is the dumbest one though. I judge people just like me and I feel ashamed of myself. Because I am also poor, fat and a slacker mom at times. I am really trying to stop being so judgmental and realize it comes out in me when I am feeling low, when I am feeling worthless. Because I do not like being judged for those reasons and I know I am and I know how it hurts.

2. I hate that I yell at my kids. Not the usual "Italian Momma" yell. That is completely different. That yell is like a culture thing! LOL No, I am talking about mean yelling. I have told my husband to stop me when he sees it. I have been improving due to this. I need to learn that just because they are doing bad things, they do not deserve to be treated without respect and kindness. I have a hot temper and this is a hard one for me... but if I want my boys to grow up with the best I can offer them, I have to learn to stop this behavior.

3. I know I come off as harsh at times... but I wish I were not so emotional about things. I hate seeing animals hurt (sometimes I see cats hit by cars) and letting that affect my whole day, my moods. I hate that I cry and wish I could do something and I let it make me doubt everything.

4. I hate that I am poor. LOL Who wouldn't? I hate that I want to be like other people and go buy my kids $40.00 pairs of shoes and $60.00 outfits from the boutique. I do like the fact that I am unimpressed by wealth and wealthy people... I just hate that I want to be rich... just so I can buy fun things and collect art work and take trips. I wish I could be completely happy with what I have. Because I do realize I have a lot to be thankful for. I have things others wish for. I have an awesome hubby who loves me, helps me, is supportive of me and always does his fair share (if not more) I have awesome friends, a great job and a wonderful (if slightly dysfunctional) family. Why cant I be happy with that?

5. I hate that I am kinda wimpy. I can tell it like it is here, online... but sometimes I have a hard time "in real life" my knees shake, my heart races, I sweat. If I don't speak up, then I regret not doing so and get angry with myself. If I do then I worry about if I said it right, if I made my points. I second guess myself. Sometimes I wish I was a little more assertive. Sometimes I am... but there are times I let things slide and I shouldn't.

So that's my list... Do you have anything to add???


Anonymous said...

I share some of yours Mimi.

- I also hate that I am judgemental and although I'm trying to work on it I must confess that half the time I still don't even know I'm doing it.

- I wish I had more money but I'm sure a lot of people feel this way especially with the economy the way it is now. I wish all my debt would just disappear.

- The last for me is I wish I wasn't so insecure. Everytime my blog visits are down I have a bad day. I need to stop this. We all have our bloggy days and non-bloggy days. Doesn't mean we hate a blog just means we're busy, sick or whatever.

Mimi you're a great person !

Darcie said...

I hate being poor too. LOL These last few months have really been a low for us.

And I yell too, usually out of stress, not out of anger, and that's really unfair to the kids. I have to make a concerted effort every day to control myself and remind my brain that they're kids, not adults, and might not understand what I'm asking the first five times I ask them. :)

JLT6907 said...

i hate when i scream at my kids too. it terrifies them, and it makes me go sit in my room later and cry about it. sometimes i think they hate me.

* i hate the fact that Im a scaredy cat and have to sleep with lights on when my husband isnt home. makes looks really weak.

JLT6907 said...

you've been tagged.

Kristin said...

Mimi I'm with you on this one. But it's the ability to seek out chnage and see it through that makes us truly rich. You are rich in life, spirit and friendship. That's all that matters.

Rachel said...

Amen -- that list could be mine. :(

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